The Journey of Grieving and Healing

Grief is a complex and individual experience that affects everyone differently.

Losing a loved one can leave us feeling lost, overwhelmed, and unsure of how to move forward.

Whether the loss was sudden or expected, the journey through grief can be challenging. And it can be difficult to know where to turn for support.

If you are newly bereaved, it is essential to understand that there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

Grief is a personal process, and it is normal to experience a wide range of emotions, including sadness, guilt, anger, denial and even numbness.

It’s also normal to have physical symptoms such as fatigue, trouble sleeping, and loss of appetite. The journey through grief is often described as a series of waves that come and go.

Understanding The Impermanence of Life

There are many kinds of grief we face during our lifetime.

During the Gautam Buddha’s era, there was a woman who had only one child, who had died with illness. Sadly, no doctor could save her child.

A fellow villager told her to seek an answer from the Buddha, at a nearby monastery.

The villager told her “He could have your answer and may bring your son back to life”.

The woman came to Buddha desperately asking him to bring her son back to life.

Buddha told her to go back to the village to each and every home and ask them if there is a family without any death.

“When you find one family with no death, ask them for a bean or seed, and bring it to me. Then, I will bring your child back to life.”

Evey home she went to, there was no home to find that had no death in the family. Each had lost grandparents, parents, spouses, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, and children.

The woman was unable to find any family that did not have death. When she returned to the Buddha, he explained to her the impermanence of life.

Through this experience, the woman understood that everything in life continues to change. After this, she became one of the Buddha’s disciples and became enlightened.

Grieving The Tragic Loss of a Child

In order to fulfill life, we need to heal and move forward from traumatic experiences:

In Thailand, there was a forest monk who meditated during the storm of night.

The next day there were so many leaves fallen down on the ground. He noticed most of the leaves were old ones, but also a few young leaves as well. There were a few older leaves still hanging on the tree, but most of them were young and green leaves.

Through the monk’s observation, he explained the nature of our life: there are no rules or order when it comes to death.

One of the most difficult forms of grief a human can experience is that of bereaved parents.

The loss of a child is considered one of the devastating experiences a person can go through.

Losing your parents first is a natural order in life, but when someone loses a child it’s unnatural and hopes and dreams of their child’s futures have been lost and taken away. And in the process, the parent’s life has been changed forever.

When this devastating event happens to parents, they can become lost, feel numb, or experience anger, disbelief, and denial.

Bereaved parents may experience intense and long periods of grieving that may last a lifetime.The sadness, the hole in their heart will always be there.

The pain of a lost loved one will always remain there. We just learn to manage it as time passes.

Healing starts from understanding and moving forwards rather than running away from our suffering.

“It’s your ability to withstand adversity and bounce back and grow despite life’s downturns.”

– Amit Sood, MD.

All Grief is Hard, But it Does Get Better

To lose a parent or spouse, the sadness and depression may last for a long while. It depends on the situation and each person is different. In the passage of time, most people can start to find optimism and look forward to life again.

It’s possible to find a new love, and have new connections and intimacy again after the passing of a loved one. As time passes, each person can find new hopes and dreams, and start enjoying life again.

Can we Live a Normal Life After Losing Loved Ones?

It’s important not to forget to take care of ourselves and stay in our presence.

From a Buddhist perspective, gradually we need to let our loved ones go freely so that they can travel their way out. We must allow them to be free of suffering (samsara).

If their loved one’s are suffering, they may not be able to travel freely.

Those who have passed on want their loved ones to be happy and enjoy life while they can.

It’s important to be alone from time to time
Joining a support group who are dealing with similar situations may help
Find a therapist, counselor, or life coach who understands your unique struggles and grief.

Try to find strength and meaning in each moment
Once we gain strength, we can start a long journey of grieving for the goodness of the person who passes away.

We can practice being compassionate to ourselves and others. Or grieving and pain brings a new perspective of wholeness to life as we remember him or her.

Overcoming Grief, Trauma, and Addiction

Some try to numb the pain of grief with substances, alcohol, pills, or diversions.

Unresolved grief and trauma can lead individuals to use drugs or alcohol as a means of coping with their emotional pain. Substance abuse can provide temporary relief, but can ultimately worsen the underlying issues and lead to addiction and negative consequences.

Doing this, however, can only extend the feelings we are trying to suppress and make things worse.

Suffering that is not confronted is just postponed. It will resurface.

Research shows us there is a connection between substance abuse and complicated grief or persistent complex bereavement disorder.

These are debilitating and disabling responses to grief.

The combination of trauma and grief can be powerful.

It can make us miserable and change our sleep cycles and emotional well being.

Finding the right support, such as a therapist, grief coach, or recovery coach, is essential for addressing the root causes of substance abuse.

Addressing both grief and addiction during recovery can contribute to more successful outcomes.

Grief and trauma can lead to addiction if we don’t allow our emotions to flow.

However, it is possible to take this opportunity to let our grief transform us and change us forever.

We have the power to process and combat grief and difficult emotions and transfer to bliss, and it’s possible your life can be happier than you can imagine.

Holding on to anger, regrets and prolonged grief can leave us vulnerable, trying to cope with that pain by numbing through the use of alcohol and substances, which can be dangerous.

Staying Present in the Moment

One way to overcome the pain of grief and trauma is to be in the present moment. In the current moment, it is always peaceful. As you gain more strength, you can start to release it a bit at a time. The key is to recognize and accept the present moment.

Gradually, as you feel ready, you can open up to yourself accepting reality. Remember to go slow. Grieving takes time, for some it takes years and lifelong process.

There is No ‘Right’ Way to Grieve

Some grief can be complicated. Depression, anger, guilt, what ifs, will all arise. You will have ups and downs, experience pain, and guilt.

It’s important to know that you know we don’t have to hold on to the pain of life.

Everyone grieves differently, there is no right or wrong way. A lot of the time, people who are grieving just want to share their feelings.

Sharing with someone makes them feel some sort of relief. They are not particularly looking for advice.

It’s a personal choice how they want to navigate their pain and move forward in life.

When we encounter loss, we may try to suppress our pain, or numb, pretending nothing has happened. Then, slowly we have to take our pain a little at a time.

Grief is lonely and can not be shared with someone, even close family and friends. It’s a personal journey.

At some point, grieving people need to accept the reality.

How To Heal From the Painful Trauma of Grief

Honoring the past, embracing the future, moving forward after loss.

These steps will help you discover practical tools for navigating the complex emotions of grief.

But you must take them at your own pace.

Hopefully this article has acted as a guide to help you honor your past while embracing new beginnings and opportunities for growth, healing, and renewal.