When we think of addictions, we often think of a person who has lost control of themselves or is weak-minded in some way.

However, addictions are more common than we think. In fact, 1 in 3 households in the US suffer from or are impacted by addiction.

Many of us suffer from mild addictions in our lives, and delve into addictive behavior.

Addictions can appear in our lives through many types of habits: smoking, binge eating, shopping, gambling, eating junk food, drinking alcohol, and drug or substance use. Even excessive thinking can become an addiction. But what is the cause of these addictions and addictive habits?

Behind our addictions there can often be a hidden pain we do not know about, or have learned to suppress.

Seeing the Hidden Pain Behind Addictions

To understand people who are addicted to substances and alcoholism, we have to learn to see their hidden pain.

Very often, this pain is suppressed, and they may not recognize it themselves. In some cases, they may have been missing support from people around them.

When people view another person who is suffering with an addiction, there can be a strong sense of judgment, or even the tendency to shame them.

This is a mistake. Those who are addicted may be dealing with hidden emotional pain.

There are many types of different hidden pain: childhood trauma, legacy trauma, grief, difficult situations in life, relationship problems, and health problems. All these circumstances can cause trauma.

Loneliness in Childhood can Lead to Addiction

Is it possible that we inherit generations of trauma which can lead to addiction?

We have all heard that children can suffer feelings of loneliness. Some of us have experienced the feeling of loneliness first hand as a young child.

Children who grow up with strict parents may feel like their parents are being mean or cold-hearted. Yet, very often the mother and father of the child have dealt with the same type of trauma in their own childhood. Because this hidden pain was not resolved in the month, the child then inherits the trauma and hidden pain.

As Mark Wolynn, a world leader in the field of Inherited Family Trauma, explains in his best-selling book ‘It Didn’t Start With You’:

“The emotions, traits, and behaviors we reject in our parents will likely live on in us.”

The childhood loneliness that we experience can contribute to our emotional state in adult life and be a reason why we suffer. Often the dependency on alcohol, gambling, or drugs is an attempt to avoid or relieve our pain.

Short-Term Fixes that Lead to Deeper Pain

Unfortunately, as part of the addiction cycle, we do get a very short-term high and relax briefly after the effects of alcohol and substance use.

However, our pain can get even worse after the effect runs out. This return of the pain leads to more dependency to try to keep avoiding the hidden pain.

The cycle of addiction is not a pleasant experience. Both the addicted person, and those around them suffer, very often in silence. And the cycle of addiction cannot end while the hidden pain continues to stay hidden.

Releasing the Hidden Pain

As human beings we need to bond with others to receive love and wholeness. But to truly connect with others, we must first connect to ourselves and inner emotions.

Often this process of releasing the hidden pain can be difficult and confronting.

If people are to overcome their addiction, they need support. A part of recovering from addiction is to reconnect with society, and share ourselves in an authentic way.

Compassion is a Source of Healing

It’s important to understand not to judge people who are struggling with addictions and bad habits. It can be tempting to think of ourselves as superior because we don’t have the same struggles.

However, it is important to have compassion and see that they are dealing with hidden pain that we do not know about.

An important message that we must share with those who are overcoming addiction is that ‘You don’t have to be alone’.

Anyone recovering from an addiction must stop escaping from the discomfort that is deep inside them. The first step is to simply experience the pain, and not keep running away from it..

In order to stay sober, a person needs connection and the ability to be honest with those around them. This requires the compassion and understanding of the people around them.

Accepting and Admitting Our Pain

When people don’t realize they have problems or hidden pain, they are resistant. Is it easier to stay in a comfort zone of addiction, and let our ego take over and ‘always be right’.

Most of the time we don’t realize we have something painful that is driving our behavior until we experience larger problems in life.

Of course, being sick and living with pain is part of life. We all experience it in some way at some stage. When you begin to accept painful feelings as part of life, you don’t stigmatize yourself as being something wrong with you. It is a normal part of being human.

Taking Steps To Move Past Addictions

Once we accept that trauma and hidden pain can cause our addictive behavior, there are a few ways to overcome it:

First, it is wise to seek professional help from a therapist, counselor, health care provider, or a life coach who has gone through the same healing process. They can offer you an objective perspective and support you on your journey to healing.

Second, you can try temporarily giving up addictive behaviors for a day, a week or a month.

For example, if you can break the habit for a week, then you are building inner strength. Even if you relapse or regress, you can lean on the fact you had some self-control.

With positive, supportive self talk, you can remind yourself, you do have the power to overcome it. After all, you have done something difficult and that empowerment gives you self-esteem. Even after controlling your addiction for a short period, you will feel a small degree of happiness and freedom!

Third, the practice of mindfulness can also help in changing your behavior.

We all have bad habits of holding onto negative thoughts, fault-finding, or treating ourselves poorly.

Using self reflection, try to be positive-minded for a day or week. Focus on your life with a sense of gratitude and focus on the positive aspects.

Once you begin to manage and overcome your addiction and bad habits, you will feel empowered. That positive sense of self-control is what often counteracts you falling into addiction again.

Best of all, once you begin to move past your addiction, you can start enjoying life again. You can gain inner strength by giving up unhealthy habitual behaviors.

Addiction Recovery Takes Time

But remember to go slow. If you have to give up completely and go ‘cold turkey’, it’s often too much to handle.

Addictions take a long time to form, and they also take time to overcome.

But to begin with you can try changing out for a short period of time and see how that freedom feels. Test yourself out. What does it feel like not drinking for a week? How does it feel not smoking for a week?

As you begin to experience the freedom from your addictive behavior you will find a whole new life opens up to you.